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ur mum delenda est

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277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

Glimpses at a “What your favorite ship says about you” video from a cursed universe:

(A parody of @doubleca5t‘s “What your favorite ship says about you” videos)

  • You really like A/B/O dynamics
  • You really like A/B/O dynamics, but you don’t know what “A/B/O” means
  • Your ideal Hallmark movie is about an aging widow and an aging widower finding love again
  • You know what’s better than one sad, aging widow? Two sad aging widows
  • Your ideal Hallmark movie is about an estranged couple learning to love each other again
  • You think lovers-to-enemies is a severely underused trope
  • You’re just here for the hate-sex
  • You made too many DILF jokes, and now they’re not jokes anymore
  • You read Serious Literature, but exclusively the kind about middle-aged men having affairs with younger women
  • You think the beach episode contained crucial character development
  • You liked the beach episode, but not for the character development
  • You can only ship a problematic character after five pages of discourse and a redemption arc
  • You think redemption arcs are highly overrated
  • You are a purist villainfucker; you think people who only like hot villains are poseurs
  • This is your favorite ship, but you still have its tag on Tumblr blacklisted
  • You have an entire chart dedicated to tracking this ship, and it includes the words “love dodecahedron”
  • You are Christian
  • You are extremely Christian
  • You’re just horny for nuns
Pinned Post shipping fandom doubleca5t actual blog post OPs
baconmancr
junkratsadstuck

here at the sandwich shop, we’ve started to notice some people who are new to sandwiches aren’t used to meat and cheese between two slices of bread. they find this practice strange and confusing. that’s why we’ve decided to cut the bread out all together. from now on, we’ll just serve slices of meat and cheese on a plate.

junkratsadstuck

we know that many of our loyal sandwich shop customers have been coming here for years to buy our delicious sandwiches. but some people don’t “get” sandwiches, and we need to try and appeal to them with an easier-to-understand meal format. we will no longer be serving sandwiches. all of our food will just be cold cuts on a paper plate. we love our customers and appreciate your understanding <3

derinthescarletpescatarian

Yes we know Craig's Cold Cuts down the street does cold cuts better than we do and has millions of customers. That's why we need to switch to cold cuts, to get their customers. We hope that our long-time sandwich loving customer base will be patient in this transition to cold cuts and welcome the certain influx of Craig's Cold Cut customers who will surely come here to enjoy our worse cold cuts with you, our sandwich-deprived customer base, whom we value so much.

parody Oh Tumblr social media queue post
cromulentenough
max1461

Instead of dividing the world into east and west I divide it in such a way that europe, japan, india and so on are the same type of thing and US, china, south korea are the same type of thing. Other countries fall into these groups too like I think argentina is a type of america, most of south america is a type of america but uruguay is totally a europe. This is objectively correct.

max1461

It's about like. How do I explain it. I saw a video with this Japanese guy who had an immaculately clean apartment like pristine and organized with all these cute little thingies but he said that he takes a bath every night and then saves the water and reuses it in the morning. Like he doesn't drain the bath, to save water. European behavior. On the other hand if you've ever been in a chinese guys car it smells like cigarettes SO fucking bad and he has trash on the floor and goes home and plays league of legends for 14 hours a day. Highly american behavior. The president of uruguay smokes pot or maybe that was the old president. In the rest of south america they've got presidents tweeting about which women are too fat. Do you understand?

max1461

Europe is Oedipal and America is DDLG

max1461

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Right side vs. left side drivers. In france and shit they are spiritual left side drivers. And especially germany. France is the most american european country.

max1461

New York is the most european place in america that's why it sucks. LA is the most american place in america. LA is the most american place in the world. remember that chinese tourist who carved his name on the ancient egyptian artifact? in america we go to the walmart looking like shit. in germany they go to beautiful buildings looking the same way but they dressed that way on purpose. because crocks are good for your feet or something. pnw is a european area, sf is an american bastion in europeanized norcal.

dental! we've got great teeth in america. in europe such as uk, japan and so on they don't really care about it. although I do think yaeba is cute. the thing where mao zedong killed all the sparrows is like one of the most american things I can imagine.

I don't know about other countries as much as I should. think that most of the middle east is europe and so is russia but idk about kazakhstan and shit that might be america. west africa is probably america. nigerian prince is inherently american. boko haram seems kind of american. isis is very american idk about kurdistan, I should find out about kurdistan.

max1461

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They'll have a bunch of guys cooking some shit at a temple, churning all these giant pots full of stuff and they give it away for free, and they won't be wearing hair nets. Not the kind of stuff they're worried about in europe. I mean they are in the government and stuff, you know, they worry about hair nets in the bureaucracy. But probably some old lady who doesn't care about that will cook for you at some place, and you might think that some of her sweat or hairs got in the food but you won't really worry about that. It's not like it will hurt you. Have you ever been to france the cups are always dirty. At any restaurant. They just don't clean cups in france they don't believe in it. In america we'll clean those cups with industrial solvent and if a little bit of it gets in our water after that's probably fine. Industrial solvent kills germs so actually it's probably good to have some of it in your body, in fact.

max1461

Hmm yeah. Americans love a good chemical. Americans will put some type of acid on anything. In europe they eat maggot cheese, isn't it sicilian maggot cheese? It's from italy.

max1461

In europe there's the most high tech facility you have ever heard of particle accelerator biolab and the 30 year old guys who work there go home to their stone house from the fifteenth century and their mom tucks them into bed. In america everyone has an iphone that projects holographs and their walls have built in DarpaSafe(TM) monitoring technology and they work at the hazard scooping plant scooping asbestos or maybe the hr factory deciding who to cancel this week.

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zoobus
argumate

thenightetc said: something Fucking Bad!!

argumate

oh jesus what happened to the UI

really fucking bad!

official-kircheis

please I need to be prepared for when it happens to me

official-kircheis

@sysvect said:

looks like fucking twitter now

please say sike

centrally-unplanned

My personal favourite part is how now the menu buttons are vertically aligned to the left of your feed...but clicking on them still results in a pop-up window as opposed to an inset dropdown. Where does the pop-up go? Where do you think:

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I didn't want to see my dash anyway.

official-kircheis

does no one test shit in the sense of trying to use it themselves for five seconds

centrally-unplanned

Maybe its *stares directly at the camera for several seconds in silence* optimized for mobile

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